a song for the despondent

so, in WordPress.com’s stripped-down but functional interface, i have the option of reviewing my “blog stats,” which record how many people visit daily, how they’ve arrived here, and what they’ve clicked on.  interestingly enough i can also view what search engine terms people keyed in to wind up viewing my blog.  many times it’s been a simple combination of my screen name and some part of the blog title, since people seem unable to remember the exact phrase, “i’m happier when i’m broke,” even though i figured it would be catchy and memorable when i chose it.  other times, people have genuinely been looking for something that in a bitter swerve of irony i’ve uttered in the same entry, such as “muffler carteret new jersey.”

but a more disturbing trend i’ve noticed involves people who have been searching for answers that Google cannot provide, at least not directly; entries like “i’m broke and don’t know what to do anymore,” or “i’m broke and tired of life.”  while particularly jarring that these expressions direct people to my blog, i wanted to offer to those of you who end up reading these words under such duress some simple consolation: things may seem particularly shitty right now, but keep your head up and don’t give up hope: life moves in cycles, and yours will certainly be brighter soon.  i direct you to my entry of several days ago about the importance and omnipresence of the balance of light and darkness.  i can’t promise you the stars will align themselves under your nose, and tomorrow morning your pants will put themselves on, because that is not realistic.  in fact, you may utterly despise me in short time, as things can always get worse before they get better.  but they do and will get better.

i have authority to say this because, hey, things aren’t fantastic for me right now, either.

but alas, here is some advice from a couple of random shitty artists which we may all heed some day; special thanks to Google for giving me the most appropriate result on the first page:

anyway, i suppose in a way Google is acting the Fate by connecting the despondent with this, my ephemeral voice of carefully nuanced reason and sardonic contemplation.  i can only hope that it offers you, sad creature, some repose, and maybe a warm fuzzy feeling of things-are-not-so-bad-as-they-seem.  at least you know that you’re not alone.

a bit of perspective

i’ve been reminded lately of a short story i wrote several years ago for a class in Taoism.  it was supposed to have something to do with the Tao, and balance.  strangely enough i feel that when i wrote it, i did not understand what i was writing as well as i do now.

the story, which i am unable to locate but will post if i ever do, basically goes like this:

the earth stops turning, and the world is frozen in a singular position against the sun.  the result is that the planet divides into four quadrants, each with a particular meteorological consequence.

the first quadrant is frozen in perpetual darkness.  chaos reigns over this part of the world, with looting, raping, pillaging, and sordid violence plaguing the streets of a people who are doomed to be forever in the dark, hopeless that all light has been lost forever.

the second quadrant is stuck in sunlight.  these people are overworked, exhausted, tired of each other, stuck in the same routine day after day and afraid that any day their darkness may come and rob them off their light, for which they feign gratitude but secretly disdain.

the third quadrant is lodged in permanent dusk.  the people here fear the impending darkness, and it is this terror that guides their daily actions.  people are selfish and hoard what they can for what they see as the inevitable drape of blackness that will soon cover them.  every day they awake fearful that it will be their last opportunity to feel the light of the sun.

the final quadrant, which i imagined to be primarily ocean with a stretch of spattered islands, is the land of eternal dawn.  here, the people are ever hopeful to be bathed in light.  each day they awake with a renewed vigor, thankful that they have at least a glimmer of light.  they never take for granted that each day starts precisely the same, but instead feel a constant, undying energy of morning.

at the time i wrote this story, i related it to Tao in that the world commanded balance, much like Chi.  i did not envision that this imaginary world would ever turn again, and the respective lands would be plunged into the respective patterns of their neighbors.  but now i see things differently, and this i appreciate as the true balance.

when i meet people and eventually relate to them this story, i ask them what kind of person they see themselves as; or, which quadrant they belong in.  everyone comes away thinking that they belong in the sunrise land.  this is what i believed; indeed, when i wrote this story i was living in the land of eternal dawn.  i was poised to graduate college and take on the world face to face, directly, at ramming speed.  since then i have spent time in each quadrant, as i will be wont to do again for the rest of my life, as we will all be forced to do.  this is life, Chi, balance, the way.  the reality is that balance demands we cannot belong to simply one quadrant over another.  they represent phases of our lives.  different quadrants are appropriate for varying transitions we must make to be complete; even the most content person will not be whole if he or she does not experience at least some period of perennial darkness.

where am i now?  where are you?  where do you want or need to be?  these are the things we have to consider when we ponder our place in the world.